Foiled

It’s been a total nightmare lately. Here’s the latest… and maybe you experienced travellers have ideas on how to get through this mess?
 
Somewhere between England and Hamburg I got robbed (again), and my passport, wallet, bank cards, drivers license, etc. are all gone. The police in Hamburg were very helpful and managed to get me back on my feet. I spent most of the night with them trying to track down the bus I was on, finding the specific driver, making reports, and figuring out how to get my passport back. After a series of harry border crossings sans identity, I made it to the (nearest) embassy in Amsterdam and am currently staying with my voice teacher in Gouda. I tried to get back to Munich in order to go to the consulate there, but the railway wasn’t accommodating to the alternative forms of identity documentation that I have in the meantime (e.g. airline boarding passes, Eurail pass, police report).
 
My fingers are crossed that an emergency passport will come through tomorrow afternoon, as the consulate has promised. That being said, they can’t guarantee that it’ll come through tomorrow, and the most likely train possibility puts me to arrive in Munich on Thursday morning. The consulate knows that I have to fly back to America on Friday. They’ve assured me a passport will come through in enough time to get me to my flight, but they haven’t been open to hearing about the train timetables. I’m not sure they’re even referring to a specific timetable at all. Other than that, I’ve got nothing definite… except a recent history of awkward border/security checkpoints. Remember that ”concealled” butter knife?
 
Other details… the keys to the apartment got stolen as well. When I get back to Munich, I’m not going to have a way to get into my apartment to pack, shower, and collapse because I don’t have my keys. My phone charger also got stolen, hence my phone has been dead for a while now. No way into the apt. No access to cash for a pay phone. No access to wire transfers because I don’t have a photo ID. Four euros to my name for food for the next two days. And, even if I do make it back to Munich without a photo ID, I have no landlord phone number, because, yes, it is also locked in my apartment and in my dead phone. 

I may be a real person tomorrow again at 14:30. Maybe.